In the lesbian dating scene, first impressions are important. You want to be yourself, but you want to emphasize your positive traits without drawing too much attention to the negative. Whether meeting a woman at a club or online, a bad first impression will ultimately keep you single. Here are a few tips for making yourself look good while hooking her interest.
1. Give one genuine compliment, but do not over-flatter. If you are at a bar, you can compliment her appearance or even her taste in shoes. If you are responding to an online ad, say something nice about a portion of what she wrote. If you can not find something genuinely nice to say about her, she probably is not right for you.
2. Search for common ground. Ask about her interests, her job, what her goals are, and tell her about yours. The more you find out you have in common, the more comfortable and relaxed you both with be, and the more you will have to talk about.
3. Do not talk too much. In any conversation, you should listen as much, or more, than you talk. Talking too much will make you look self-absorbed or uninterested. If you tend to ramble when you are nervous, asking questions can keep her talking and help you ramble less.
4. Do not interrupt. There are few things more rude than continually interrupting someone while they are talking. If something she says makes you think of something you want to say, make a mental note, but wait to talk until she has finished what she is saying.
5. Try to be interesting. Even if your life is very boring and you spend most of your evenings watching television, there has to be something interesting about you. You have passions, hobbies, dreams and goals. Focus on those things rather than on the boring aspects of your job or personal life.
6. Stay positive. Never corrupt your first impression with negativity. Do not complain about the slow service at the bar, and do not criticize the appearance of the woman at the next table. Even if you have a lot of horror stories about all the nuts who have responded to your online dating ad, now is not the time to share those stories.
7. Avoid discussing past relationships. Even if you have just broken up with someone, no one wants to hear about your ex, especially when they have just met you.
8. Avoid controversial subjects. Unless religion or politics are so important to you that you will not date someone whose beliefs differ from your own, keep such topics out of the conversation. Turning your first impression into a debate over opposing views could ruin an otherwise pleasant evening and prevent her from wanting to pursue the relationship.
9. Avoid seeming too needy. There are few bigger turn-offs than getting into a relationship with someone who is clingy, co-dependent or needy. Common traits of needy people include calling or emailing too often, wanting to be together constantly, and relying on the other person for a sense of identity. If you demonstrate signs of neediness on your first date or introduction, she will most likely run the other way.
10. Try to have fun. Although you might be nervous meeting someone new, try to enjoy the process. Laugh, loosen up, and do not take yourself too seriously.
The rules of lesbian dating and first impression making are not much different than the rules of platonic friendship. If you are polite, keep a positive attitude, and allow the best aspects of your personality to shine through, you will be opening the door for a potentially satisfying relationship. If one date does not turn out to be a winner, consider it a learning experience. Like everything else in life, the more you practice, the more comfortable you will be for next time.
Linda Stolling is a contributing writer for www.girlgirlfishing.com a free online dating service for lesbian singles.
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